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THE COUNTY MEDICAL EXAMINERS LYRICS
"General Surgery/County Medical Examiners" (2003 Split)
1. Pre-Bisectal Corrosive Immersion
2. Lab Rat
3. Mortuary Wars
4. Cauterization Frenzy
5. Reception Of Cadavers
6. Decomposer
7. Convivial Corpse Disposal Methodology
8. Bloatation (Repugnant Refloatation)
9. Cruentous Mess
10. Forensic Photography
11. A Brief Discourse On Wound Ballistics
12. Cooperative Cadaveric Custody
13. Prosector's Bane: Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease
1. Pre-Bisectal Corrosive Immersion
Mummified sinew resists
To the point of exasperation
A lengthy submersion seems quite apt
Inadequate tools have this solution begat
A preparatory soak is required
To achieve the result I desire
Sulphuric acid in excess
In this cocktail your corpse needs to rest
Fermented hulks
Disjoined with ease
Mucilaginous limbs
Dislocated as I please
Await the appropriate time
To dispose of the corrosive sludge
Environmental crime
Added to my misconducts
The resilience of the tissue
Now virtually non-existent
The corpse itself a free-flowing mass
The bones, themselves liquescent
Fermented hulks
Disjoined with ease
Mucilaginous limbs
Are uncomplicatedly freed
The problematics involved
Take on a different guise
Protective clothing and facial masks
I stress are of great importance
Pondering this method
I reminisce of Haigh
I spare a thought for his inherent genius
As at the remains I effortlessly hack away.
2. Lab Rat
Wreaking anatomical havoc
Chugging formaldehyde
Rabidly gnawing on exposed bone
In the noble name of science
Feasting in a macabre gloom
I'm overcome with bliss
The rotten specimen fills the room
As I frenziedly hack at the hateful putrid stiff
Parasitical theory in practice
Rectal juices extolled with verve
The pinnacle of evolution
Dismembered and befouled with zest
Pustular chunks of internal decay
decorate the walls
Intricate patterns from gastric juice spray
The aftermath of my assault
The fortunes of working in medicine
An outlet for predative zeal
The general intolerance of corpse desecration
Guarantee my results remain unseen
3. Mortuary Wars
Scourging the morgue with sickly malice
Rank antagonism brought to a head
Disquiet on the forensic front
I sense the gathering of purulent adversary flesh
Slashing at blistered & ulcerous limbs
Keeping the rancid stiffs at bay
The ongoing struggle against dearly departed
A justified frenzy of pathological rage
Putrefactive waste I do adorn
A foul internecine reward
The gains of the battle, reeking of bile
To the victor the spoils of mortuary wars
Surgical tools aid my success
over the malodorous cadavers I dread
Their insidious advances I repulse with finesse
Strategical mind games with the recently dead
Necrobiosis prevailing
My ally in decomposition
A festering triumph accomplished by force
The shredded rank corpses my cowed and crushed foes
Putrefactive waste I do adorn
A foul internecine reward
The gains of the battle, reeking of bile
To the victor the spoils of mortuary wars
Scorch the fetid waste
Replenish the source of flesh
Gather a fresh batch of rancid, rank opponents
Joyfully await the the next occasion
For the fun to start again
To recreate with my malodorous chums
This thrilling, exhilarant game
The gains of the battle
The sweet stench of bile
To the victor the spoils of Mortuary wars
4. Cauterization Frenzy
Curtail the infection risk
Diminish the festering decay
Ignite a petrol soaked rag
To keep putrefaction at bay
Charcoaled extremities snap
Roasted epidermis cracks
Count the many advantages
Of flambe sterilization
Diminished viscosity and less pungent emanations
Incinerated dearly departed
Smouldering mortal remains
Whatever extremities are in reach, I purposely set alight
The defunct flesh antisepticised
Singing my cuffs and inhaling fumes
An oxidizing theme
A coruscating concerto
Curtailing the inferno to no avail
The corpses blazing in a fuming arrayal
The point of calcination rapidly reached
My work place a pathological rotisserie
Mortuary barbequed specials leaking ignited grease
Sizzling streams of melted flab spreading with unsettling speed
The blackened flame-ridden morgue
Ravaged by fetid oxidation
5. Reception Of Cadavers
Hospitality in excess
where the dearly departed rest
Badly diguised glee
and crudely concealed zest
Discretely cart in the stiffs
Out of reach of prying eyes
Descend into the realm
of disputable medical practice
Deteriorating shells
Carted into this cadaverous abyss
Discretely cart in the stiffs
Out of reach of prying eyes
Finely honed beguilement
Conceal the true intent
of pathological deviance
The desecration imminent
Retaining a front of respect
In the watchful eyes of the public
But down in the bowels of the morgue
The methods become more drastic
Skewered and ravaged with unbounded bliss
The cold meat is pillaged with impetuous zeal
The facade of courtesy shed with relief
Replaced with a frenzied ecstatic butchery
Seemingly pointless havoc
Is our profession's forte
A haven for our inclination
for anatomical carnage
As stocks are yet replenished,
reverence abounds
In solemn silence the deceased are wheeled
Into our aberrant netherworld
6. Decomposer
Are we lying comfortably?
I hope that you fear not
Your stay here shall be lengthy
Depending on just how quickly you rot
Apply a quicklime mudpack
Hinder circulation
Artificially inflicted gangrene
Hasten the maceration
Rendered impeccably clean
Stripped to the ivory core
The cleansing of your fetid flesh
Revealing the divine gleam of bone
Strings of muscle tissue
Yanked away with ease
Luckily I removed your tongue
I'm distracted by agonized screams
It probably won't hurt too much
The sedatives will bear you through
The pain eventually subsides
When your nerve ends turn to goo
Bound to be gored
Intravenously fed
Destined to rot
Your skin to be shed
Trimming off loose sinew
Your appearance is still a mess
My psychopedantic maniacal glee
Matches your distress
Cleanliness is godliness
Unbound by rank decay
I admire your skeletal remains
As I hose your fetid carrion down the drain
7. Convivial Corpse Disposal Methodology
Pathological waste abounds Cadavers lined wall to wall Foul-whiffi ng stiffs all around A bonfire would clean it all
Frenzied cauterization Now seems slightly passe A more gleeful method seems fitting To spread havoc and disharmony
Dispensation of carrion embellished In a delightfully mirthful way The disposal of my spent toys A most
superbly distasteful fray
Mannequins discretely exchanged for a different fashion model Now view the spring collection as worn by bloated corpses
The ghastly remains strategically placed in public spots Much to the amusement of my like-minded pathologist chums
Detruncating limbs, slack heads are lopped Soak the pieces in preservatives to debar foul rot Wrap the stinking presents and then regroup To deliver bloody packages to your front stoops
Blithely positioning cadavers on a park bench Horrified children recoil and blench Hang a corpse by its intestines from a nearby tree For the public to admire my disposal methodology
Our gruesome tasks masked by off-putting gaiety The jocular demeanour veils your repugnance but barely Jovially dissecting and disposing of the gore Our brash disposal methods leave you shaken to your core
Unauthorized surgeries Dismantling anatomy Solemnizing necrotomies Convivial Corpse Disposal Methodology
Suspended stiffs on wires Make for hours of entertainment A pus-dripping puppet show An enchanting display of debasement
The jovial sense of misconduct Derived from the public s disgust Young and old repelled by the reek of rank, putrefying meat
The mortuary waste diminishing for every prank Cadaveric cleanup of my vile, putrescent body bank
Tossing rigored stiffs from embankments and cliffs Setting carcasses ablaze, and other procedures most comedic
Our ingenuity is tested when our patients die Inventive methods of disposal our modus operandi
Villainy demonstrated with our internment techniques Bodies stored in 50-gallon drums until they start to leak
Mincing the dead into finely ground organic scrap Mulching your garden with our latest mishap
Rollicking through our disposal drills Dispatching the murdered is better than the kill Slowly dissolved in acid, encased in tar Or dumped in plastic bags from a moving car
Unauthorized surgeries Dismantling anatomy Solemnizing necrotomies Convivial Corpse Disposal Methodology
8. Bloatation (Repugnant Refloatation)
Body density initially sinks the corpse beneath the water surface
But rebellious bacteria active in death create a gaseous transformation most turgid
Putrefaction rancid and ripe inflate the cadaveric methane-filled flesh balloon
The tumescent sack refloats as a swollen ammonia-spewing corpse pontoon
Procumbently drifting, propelled by a jetting zephyr of decompositional gas
Waterlogged, yet buoyant, the corpse teems with algae-fresh water insects amass
Distended with caustic carbon dioxide and repellent hydrogen sulfide
A swollen miasma of inflated cavities slowly leaking sulfur dioxide
A plume of white froth bubbling from bleached submersion-wrinkled lips
Skin sloughing from the bloated abdomen to shriveled pruned fingertips
The decedent's last meal, rich in carbohydrates, aerate the swollen digestive track
Bobbing on the surface, the corpse eructs volumes of acerbic odoriferous gas
Gaseous bloatation
Repugnant refloatation
Nauseous eructation
Excessive egression of sour effluvium ends the stage of Primary Floatation
Spent carcass sinks while putrefactive bacteria breed more fumes for postmortem levitation
Fatty tissues deliquesce and necrotic vapor is produced in order to assuage
The process of Decomposition who demands another crude refloat: the Secondary Stage
The cadaver triumphantly arises from beneath the bubbling cold surface again
Every inch of tissue swollen with buoyant gases for this putrefactive regimen
A gas bomb issuing tear-inducing stench, a reeking, floating bacterial coffin
The decedent anus expectorates an abdomen of stale air, causing the carcass to spin
Antemortem microorganisms lead a postmortem mutiny of rot
The drifting stiff's bloated demeanor inspires nausea and distraught
Severe marine predation and mutilation tests the scene investigators stamina
So they call upon credentialed expertsThe County Medical Examiners
The highly buoyant Secondary Refloata chore to dissect and classify
On route to the morgue, my staff is routinely prepped and awaiting me on standby
I displace the gas and deflate the corpse to facilitate the drenched necropsy
As the autopsy suite is perfumed with foul rancorous air and repulsive potpourri
Gaseous bloatation
Repugnant refloatation
Nauseous eructation
9. Cruentous Mess
Viscous fluids leak from stumps
Coagulated blood clots in clumps
Sticky hardening film floats in wreaths
Cover cold cruentous pools beneath
Cruor leakage
Fluid seepage
Arteries spill their hemoglobin
Wounds drip ichor, mouths drool purge
Rivulets of lifeblood ejected
Repulsive slicks of claret surge
Cruor leakage
Fluid seepage
Corpse corpuscles wash the slab
Hematology down the drain
Red froth
Blood foam
Cruor puddles
On the floor
Three-day-old gelatinous blood circulating round
Platelet-rich serum spills onto the ground
Rubiginous shoeprints smear the morgue tile floor
Stainless steel dissection slab, stainless no more
10. Forensic Photography
Organs in situ, flashbulbs burst, it makes the still life glisten
Immortalizing bisected innards meticulously dissected apart
Tissue samples documented with a camera by the proprietor
Of anatomical scientific photographic art
The forensic photographer preps the lighting as I soften up his subject
The 35mm camera and ring flash will capture every subtle textual nuance
The flash system uses shutter speeds of 1/250 to eliminate
The reddish yellow tinge fluorescent overhead lights tend to illuminate
Taking care to avoid reflective glare
And including wound marker measurement scales
Using ISO 64 Kodachrome® color temperature film
Duplicates the gory mess in wondrous detail
Tools of the trade: tripod, ring flash, and lens
Snapshots of grume: sanguineous celluloid to offend
The corpse holds its pose, each picture taken twice
One with and without an Autopsy ID Number plate
The forensic photographer shoots the results of each slice
It's the cold end of life that his art imitates
Putrefactive apertures and fetid f-stops
Shutter speeds and scalpels, vignettes of viscous slop
As medical evidence presented in a court of law
The film is developed by officers of the court
Prints are circulated for trade medical journals
Negatives are housed and filed deep in the morgue
From the crime scene splashed with tissue and bone
To the autopsy suite, under saw, clippers, and knife
To the funeral home where the cadaver is shown
Bodies are photographed more in death than in life
11. A Brief Discourse On Wound Ballistics
Terminal wound ballistics: the science of flesh-colliding projectiles
Gaping buckshot cavities disgorge chewed tissue gurgitations
Hydrostatic displacement frees milky intestinal chyle
My forensic team probes for splintered bullet fragmentations
Hollow point horrors with mushrooming penetration
Entrance and exit wounds are matched during post mortem examination
Propellant-tattooed wound sites paint blood-spattered stories
Portraits in zigzagging bullet trajectories
Scorched carbonaceous holes yield range estimation clues
Bullet paths plotted with metal dowels and radiographs
Full-jacketed slugs ricochet and birth deliquescent steaming stews
Recovered rounds are collected by my alacritous staff
12. Cooperative Cadaveric Custody
I gingerly handle the dead
To ensure a bruiseless corpse
I observe all methods of postmortem care
And standards as a matter of course
Most decedents are viewed open casket
So it behooves the pathologist to know
The techniques to use when handling deceased
So autopsy markings don't show
We charily follow the necropsy schedule
And behave as cautious prosectors
Corpses leave the morgue's custody
And enter the domain of the Funeral Director
All sutured incisions should be sharp and clean
And under burial attire, must remain unseen
When positioning the carcass on its anterior side
Prevent facial bruising, so difficult to hide
During cranial examination, reflect the scalp past the hairline at your own risk
You might leave creases in the forehead that the embalmer can't efface
Upon removal of the brain, before the notched calvarium is replaced
Fill the cavity with absorbent material to hold the cranial shape
Remove the testes
Through the inguinal canal
Because posterior perforations
Allow embalming fluid out
Pathology becomes an art
When dead are opened with nominal marks
Embalmers welcome my proficiency
And morticians value my scrutiny
Carotid neck organs left intact
Iliac arteries promptly ligatured
The stiff is deftly rendered leak proof
With a Y-incision running suture
Organs are restored to the body in a plastic bag
The breastplate returned to reduce chest sag
Rinsing the corpse with cold water, we purify
Then allow the body to drip clean and air dry
Refrigerated to stave off the ravaging putrefactive progressive skin changes
Dusky hands rest on abdomens as tied gauze strips cinch slack arms into place
The hearse-delivered corpse is signed over to local funeral director representatives
Where, at the parlor, they'll lay the rotting head on a perfumed casket pillowcase
Remove the rectum
Far from the anus
Lest embalming fluid leak
From a rectal stump unligated
Funeral home assistants haunt hospital basement alleys
For sundered anatomized cadaveric deliveries
Piled into hearses, to the chagrin of watching nurses,
The enshrouded carcass reeks most unsavorily
Carcass sealed expertly
Undue holes mitigated
Stench increasingly redolent
As fluids are aspirated
Beyond the toe-tagged feet
Beneath the blood drenched sheets
Inside the cavities sewn
The morgue's marriage with the funeral home
13. Prosector's Bane: Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease
Medical Examiners exact precautions with high risk cases
AIDS and Hepatitis B can sometimes thrive in the deadest of places
But there exists an abject malady far beyond the scope of these
The currish blight of pathologists everywhere: Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease
CJD: a rare spongiform encephalopathy
As difficult to destroy as anything in the whole of biology
Rapid, progressive dementia, an inexorable feature of the disease
Vacuolar brain reduced to a porous gray Swiss cheese
This pernicious plague can enter your bloodstream
Percutaneosly through a penetrating injury
So double-glove and employ face shield protection
To avoid contracting this insalubrious contagion
Moldered brain
Prosector's bane
One in seven autopsies involves
Maladroit self injuries and dissection faux pas
A slip of the scalpel, a scrape from a bone
Negligence an epitaph etched on pathologist tombstones
CJD autopsy conducted entirely in situ
Corpse retained in a body bag to collect stray infected tissue
Grume permeate sack bays the disease within
Excised organs placed in containers filled with phenol-saturated formalin
Instruments and surfaces washed with 01 N sodium hydroxide
Undiluted bleach swabs can prevent accidental cadaverous homicide
All surgical gowns and gloves are assumed contaminated
They are transported to the basement and promptly incinerated
The autoclave: a prosector's trusted friend
Pre-Vacuum FaurForge® M7 with locking ends
Cranked to 134° C, where CJD quickly dies
We leave instruments inside for two hours at a time
Accidental self-contamination our fear
We conquer trepidation with our disinfection gear
The patron devil of pathology, thy title: CJD
Its cruel epidemiology puts us all in jeopardy
We solemnly dedicate this dirge for the fallen
Who selflessly plunged into infected revulsion
Their steadfast duty deserves our thanks
Signed: TCME, Doctors Putnam, Radcliffe, and Fairbanks
CJD
Scourge of pathology
Calamitous scrapie
Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease
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