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SUPURATION LYRICS
"Chronophobia" (1999)
1. ...but all has changed
2. My isolation
3. No rejuvenation
4. Chronophobia
5. Room eleven
6. Twins
7. Like a wicker man that will never burn !
8. Overwhelming lethargy
9. Machinations
10. Strange impulse
1. ...but all has changed
In the time it takes a thought to pass by, it was already yesterday. When this phenomenon started, I dismissed it as coincidence or déjà vu, but when the following day approached, I could see that it was the day before yesterday... the same actions replayed by the same people in the same moments as before... Right now, it’s the day before yesterday... I don’t understand any of it. At one time my life was peaceful, perhaps too peaceful... But all has changed.
2. My isolation
There’s no one I can talk to, cut off as I am, from the real indifferent world. Now, though I am unsure as if I’ve given up, haven’t tried to talk to people, to explain this reversal, but they merely think me mad. So I speak no more, and simply wait for yesterday. My memory slowly escaping, to remember and correlate a precise day after more than a week of this had passed was proving to be impossible. It’s all too much, with so much of myself gone, all I can do, surely, is submit? All I can do is wait, and I hope that when I wake a day ago, that it was only a dream. Six months have oscillated past my agony eyes. Physically, I feel nothing, morally I’m empty. How long will this displacement last? My job was last to go, I could not bear the grotesque paradox of working alone, and over and over, with no-one to notice or give a damn about my condition. Besides, no-one can solve this one, maybe I just won’t exist any more...
3. No rejuvenation
4. Chronophobia
I have to move house soon. The previous occupants will be arriving in January and I only have three weeks left behind me. Did I say I wasn’t getting younger? But the people round me were? I should have more of "me" as the days reverse, but I no longer seem in alignment with the time line I once knew. I was never born in the world through which I’m travelling backwards, I’m nothing, a scrap of flesh, haunting this dull past life. I no longer have parents: dead when I wasn’t born. The only thing I have of them is a photograph yellowed and faded by who knows what time, with faces blurred into nothingness. A decision! I shall search for my new future by tracing my past! I’m getting colder and colder... But I can find no document, no trace of my life. Not a hint of myself in the archives. For me, existence stopped the day it became the day before. I shall investigate the hospitals in the north of the country. I found this vague instruction on the back of my parents’photograph. Then I can ascertain those died in childbirth on the day I came into being! But for now I need to wait...
5. Room eleven
The hour of my birth approaches: the color scheme in this place makes me bilious. Today it’s my birthday. The faces of my mother and my father suddenly become clear on the photograph. Now I know who to look for, I rush through the hospital corridors to find them. Then I hear a scream. A man has just jumped under the wheels of a truck outside. Then I hear "He just couldn’t deal with the fact that his wife was dead. You know room 11?"
6. Twins
I only have the opportunity to glimpse a stretcher bearing a form covered in a white cloth. At least, it should have been white... Dear god, no... It seems that the walls past which the stretcher was carried became crimson, pouring more agony into this place. "Get out of here!!" It’s my father, not dead yet, my mother is already dead. A "nurse" will not let me into room 11. I demand to see the baby. The nurse leaves, and returns with two, one in the crook of each arm. "Which is it?" I cry! The nurse babbles: "She was a very courageous woman but her body simply couldn’t cope with giving birth to twins..." "Twins??".
7. Like a wicker man that will never burn !
As I stared at the babies again, one of them duplicated the subsequential motion of my head and I suddenly found myself, out-of-body, walking in the nameless cold, and blowing winds. Am I dreaming? I stop walking. And kneel, close to... I understand now, it’s all coming back to me. And it’s my brother who is knelt down at my side, close to the death. I have become. I see my reality. I am submerged in water from the waist down, I had fallen through ice too fragile to bear my weight reforms and I am immobile, trapped like a wicker man that will never burn! Now I remember the exact day when it all started. it was the day I arrived in the north pole to visit my brother, voluntarily hermitted there. I had to walk a long time in the cold to reach him. In fact I never reached him. I didn’t have time to see him try to extricate my imprisoned body from the ice. But I do Know he let death come to him too, by my side. Now we’ll never be alone. Forever...
8. Overwhelming lethargy
My disgust for the world spawned my hatred of other people. My disgust for man spewed up my overwhelming lethargy. And it was from this that came the desire to live alone, here in this world of ice! Where cold is kind, and the artic wind his trusted ally. I have learned to suffer them, but not with something I seem to lack... Separated at birth from my twin brother. I would have so liked to spend just a little while close to him! Who knows? Maybe we will meet up again someday? I’ll wait patiently in my ice house. As the time passed, my skin cracked and chapped, in pain. No matter, I’ve seen enough of life to stay here for an eternity, regardless. It’s so peaceful, so solitary, so human. Here, in this bleak land barely touched by human hand, I feel like an eagle on a mountain top. Sometimes, I hear voices, and often catch myself reflected in a tarn. I rip the ice from my face with my own hands to make the face of my brother appear: my face.
9. Machinations
Sometimes, as if possessed by an uncontrollable force, I cover the leagues to maybe come across someone, even though I know I will not encounter a soul. Because this solitude is my choice, my vow! Marching against the whistling glacial gusts that pierced my ears with their cries, they made me cry, but my tears remain congealed upon my face. Am I mad? Have my own machinations caused my madness? Maybe it would have been better for me if I had stayed in the real world, where there is only indifference. Immediately I quashed that my truly insane thought...
10. Strange impulse
The cold has become my friend, recognizing me every time we meet, despite the fact that for years I never visited! Today I feel a presence close to me, each day on, I feel it more and more... Woken one night by a strange impulse, I made up my mind to confront the cold once more, to quest for something as yet intangible! After many hours of struggle, I struggle, I suddenly espy a shadow, ensconced within the ice, partly jutting out like a tree branch, erect and unmoving. As I move closer, I see the wood take human shape. I have reached my destination. I attempted to drag out my brother’s corpse, imprisoned in the world of ice. The ice clasped him fast around his pelvis, I could not free him. I do not know whether I laughed or cried. Then, so fast I hardly knew, I was asleep at his side... Forever.
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