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STARKWEATHER LYRICS
"Crossbearer" (1994)
1. Tumult
2. Mean Streets
3. Rest the Soul
4. Lazarus Runs
5. Murder in Technicolor
6. Shards/Unto Me
7. Picture it Obsidian
8. The Rift
9. Above the Rafters
10. Desolate
1. Tumult
I can count the years, twenty spent fueling my hate countless more, to be spent bearing its weight I never asked to live my life this way I want to break free I never asked to live this life at all maybe someday I'll see a change start anew on a clean slate maybe someday I'll see a change start anew I don't know where my faith lies I don't know where my faith lies four brick walls, three stories high, bursting at the seams pressure increases, tensions boil I do all I can every day to prevent cutting my throat I'm burning from the inside out and I feel I am falling while my world is crumbling and I feel I am falling once long ago I had ambition now I pray a prayer to be confined, behind lock and key still everything is tumbling tumbling, tumbling, tumbling tumbling down maybe someday I'll see a change start anew on a clean slate but every day that I pray amounts to nothing but a loss of faith.
2. Mean Streets
in thought and deed I am ensanguined if there is a god I would've burned in the womb inside crossed circuitry burned my humanity emotionless to the core herald in the new age forged on death and pain I know I fit here perfectly driving in the nails every night I hear sirens wail swept past my window following staccato bursts screaming children dodging crossfire on the street corner a fresh coat of paint randomly placed makes its ruinous descent drop by drop by drop splintered bone is sewer bound bourne on gouting wounds paralyzed for life from the neck down she was all alone with her steam-vent home drowning in gasoline with nowhere to turn she set her final match to burn fulfilled scorched flesh policy I see you streetwalker, nightcrawler swallowing poison whore spread your skin, spread your skin how many times have you been bought and sold two lovers in an alley locked in an embrace twist the tourniquet, inject the spike plunge the fluid in the vein upon high he spread his wings no longer bound upon high he spread his wings thinking nothing of the ground below the streets are sinking people are cast overboard clawing and grasping to gasp a final breath the outcome's the same it always is these mean streets live many deaths bright city lights shine glamour in your eyes raise your glass propose a toast to the dying and the dead raise your glass propose a toast to the dying to the dying and the dead in this city on these streets you'll learn to see and you will begin to fear in this city on these streets no one innocent leaves unscarred in this city on these streets you'll learn to see and you will forget to feel 11pm stumble, trip, and fall in a corridor at city hall arterial burst from jugulated flesh crimson tide on Sunday's best clutching his throat gasping for air choke on a scream as wild eyes stare the visions that shined in his mind the visions that shined in his mind the visions that shine in my mind the visions that shine in my mind remember that alley, the shooting gallery the police pulled out a body of a girl barely sixteen a garbage bag over her face tied firmly around her neck sexually assaulted and beaten to death remember that alley, the shooting gallery the police pulled out a body of a girl barely sixteen a garbage bag over her face tied firmly around her neck sexually assaulted and beaten to death the streets are sinking people re cast overboard clawing and gasping to gasp a final breath the outcome's the same it always is these mean streets live many deaths you'll learn to see forget to feel.
3. Rest the Soul
scattered ashes on the wind carried on a prayer I'm standing atop this hill above the ocean blue swept out of sight you're still in my mind along this flowing field where tombstones grace the hills twenty one guns shatter the silence weary sailor the time is at hand lay to rest at sea and land weary sailor the time is at hand how the time passed with the winter in out midst I feel it, I taste it, oh I taste it on the wind 'neath a blackened sky under a mist of rain I come to you to help ease the pain I'll kneel down beside you on the frigid earth and we will speak I'll promise you with frostbitten words I will return it's been so long, oh so long and I'll keep my word it's been so long, oh so long I will return it's been so long, oh so long I kept my word one year has passed, yes I have kept my word, I have returned now take these roses my gift to you and listen close promise you're not ashamed of what is going on the children are mad they feast on misery promise you're not ashamed of what's going on the children are mad they feast on their own flesh and blood on their own flesh and blood on their own flesh and blood on their own flesh and blood swept out of sight you're still in my mind swept out of sight you're still in my mind swept out of sight you're still in my mind lay to rest your weary soul lay to rest your weary soul.
4. Lazarus Runs
old fears resurfacing undulating beneath my flesh skin set to crawl from the distance all the hills appear to be the same here the baying of wild dogs caroms amongst the evergreens through gaping fissures, collapsing colors I am exposed I'll be the first to admit that I do this for the pain when I reach inside when I reach beyond that's when the darkness sets in where impulse overwhelms reason when heated coils sear now I have this gut feeling that I'm going to destroy myself before it's too long call it intuition, call it hindsight or the lack of will back then there used to be feeling reducing myself to ashes to rebuild atop the ruins the perfect foundation for the killing floor the steering wheel turns all those memories burn cloaked under the stench of ignited oil I remember your words fuel for the fire I remember your words now I need something to numb the pain maybe a roam beyond the hills into the field somewhere in this expanse I buried a piece of myself to erase your memory I'll remain here until the breaking of dawn resurrects without once missing to take what's left of me though I've built myself to be destroyed you can never, ever take what's mine encircle my body with razor wire the deepest cuts are the kindest lazarus runs headlong through brambles and thorns used salt and alcohol to soak the ragged sores.
5. Murder in Technicolor
this evening's no different from last night or the nights before I find myself in a fetal position hands wrapped tight around my throat I'm thinking nothing seems to flow except this drowning sweat that's choking me to question what I wrote to you, at the time, I meant every word now each thought like my body twists and contorts felt this churning peristalsis reversed fluttering in my throat a swarm of locusts erupts from my mouth running, stumbling hand over hand slipping through and splashing the floor running, stumbling hand over hand slipping through and splashing the floor running, stumbling hand over hand slipping through and splashing the floor pure adrenaline surge tensed muscle tears from its frame pieces strewn from end to end still feel no pain locked in overdrive and if you could move it would only be to a crawl I've seen you before in my life I want to tear you down immerse myself in your flames bathe in your ashes before this day I never felt so alive I've seen you before in my life I want to tear you down I've seen you before in my life I want to tear you down immerse myself in your flames yesterday erased a trace of my life I can't recall but your voice reminds me forever war lifetime burning another battlefield to prove my worth prove my worth as a failure in your eyes ten minutes away as far as the eye can see electrical towers span mile after mile I've seen you before in my life and I want to tear you down I've come to tear you down my mind is a ghetto where I'm breeding disease no refuge in the germ factory from behind my window I see you standing on the platform waiting on the northbound plan my moves six steps in advance take refuge in the germ factory visions of technicolor murder so vivid so real visions of technicolor murder fulfilling some obscene prophecy I've come to tear you down I've come to tear you down I've come to tear you down I've come to tear you down obsession spreading like cancer (awareness) heightened to arc light precision every last detail.
6. Shards/Unto Me
summon forth the rain wash away the filth I can blanch memories I can't cleanse my soul summon forth the flames strip flesh from bone I can't slough memories they're like second skin one cut for memory another for hope I'm probing for answers can only strike a nerve cutting cables unloading dead weight until nothing remains an innate self-loathing pouring from every aperture these holes in my skin let darkness out let it flow these holes in my skin let darkness out let it flow there's nothing less in this world than what I think of myself a broken man paint a picture of a broken man search for a reason strike a nerve the scars have faded weathered away through the years all memories remain intact clear, crystalline, and unpure cutting cables unloading dead weight until nothing remains these holes in my skin let darkness out let it flow in rivulets that flow down my arms into the drain rivulets of blood flow down my arms into the drain an innate self-loathing pouring from every aperture never a truer feeling than pain to assure me I'm alive.
7. Picture it Obsidian
if you were to fulfill my desires imagine the price you'd pay you've never felt the anguish that I've hidden inside my pain shared unto you drink the tears I've cried just tell me how hard life is when you haven't bled tell me what you feel as a tear descends principle of pain and pleasure actions sacred yet profane within the temple of the flesh private rituals are ordained dignity torn, ripped to shreds innocence lost nothing remains within blood I've split wash yourself clean reptile shed your guilt suffer unto me no one is innocent we all have our crosses to bear one you felt you were in a safe familiar place desire and purpose rearranged stumble over a piece of your past you wished kept locked away to isolate yourself from misery and pain you want to isolate yourself isolate yourself from the misery and the pain cast your pride aside and let your emotions take control it's something you want to feel so let the tears fall sifting through remnants of what you left behind reopening scars to see what I find dignity torn, ripped to shreds innocence lost nothing remains sifting through remnants of what you left behind dignity torn, ripped to shreds open wounds never mend.
8. The Rift
anxiety's child, son of despair open your wrists and bleed unlock the floodgates let anger purge let mercy breathe for every day of my life I can name a crime I've committed but I have not killed what has offered itself to die I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here waiting until the time is right I'm still here waiting until the time is now oh won't you help me make sure I don't return one lifetime in hell is enough ashen from the flames I gaze upon the scars from past bouts read like Braille a document of maculations in my livid arms I could never count the times I've fallen to find myself reborn ashen from the flames I remain a wasteland polluted, tainted of my will I am blind and unrepentant fed to burn at a fever pitch a vast stretch of blackened soul picture it obsidian I've yet to feel the anger subside I stood at the precipice stared into the abyss with no fear of the void staring into my mirror image mind churning like machinery fed into the furnace I am reborn fed into the furnace fed into the furnace I am reborn I stood at the precipice stared into the abyss with no fear of the void staring into my mirror image.
9. Above the Rafters
whisper, pray tell, bitter loss serpent tongue bends poison is sugar coated once again as before I arose to take the first steps into life, here, among the living hide in plain sight I watch you take the long walk you're on the outside looking in with blind eyes when I trace reflections distorting in glass a child who never knew how much I cared until I torn asunder all in my wake I've torn asunder all in my wake battered beaten and torn all that stood in my wake vision fading in and out haze surrounding the periphery when I reach out for vital signs are you out there are you alive we have arrived at a new juncture the distant, dark outreaches from this day on know we are lost lest the past be lost forever I'll always remember the blood I've spilled and the tears you've cried burgeoning darkness across the horizon deafening thunders roar lightning my beacon guiding through an ebon sky we are one this storm and I I'm standing at the shoreline lapped by frothing waves I outstretch my hands to the sky and I'm screaming your name nestled deep in seclusion living in the squalor of the fetid jungle caught fleeting images minor hallucinations teeming insects breathed life breathed life into the walls teetering on the brink something scampered across the floor I outstretch my hands to the sky and I'm screaming your name are you there are you alive.
10. Desolate
understand, I need to touch you to make sure you're real she came to me with hollow eyes apprehension in her voice I had to break her wings deluge the senses with emotional violence all in due time you'll learn accept for love all in due time you'll learn this love warps every curve all in due time you'll learn to accept for love the pain you feel no reprieve won't give you time to heal you've been denied the right crawling, crawling on all fours crawling, crawling on all fours I had to break her wings I had to break her wings I had to break her wings now, watch her writhe lids scrape over sandpaper eyes kept her awake for days to savor the pain understand, I need to touch you to make sure you're real I know a place above the rafters I know a place above the rafters I know a place above the rafters where you can be complete when you close your eyes this time it's forever when you close your eyes this time it's forever I close my eyes to you this time it's forever.
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