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PAIN OF SALVATION LYRICS
"Remedy Lane" (2002)
1. Of Two Beginnings
2. Ending Theme
3. Fandango
4. A Trace of Blood
5. This Heart of Mine (I Pledge)
6. Thorn Clown *
7. Undertow
8. Rope Ends
9. Chain Sling
10. Dryad of the Woods
11. Remedy Lane
12. Waking Every God
13. Second Love
14. Beyond the Pale
1. Of Two Beginnings
She is twelve and I'm only ten
buried in this soft mountain of pillows
Parents away
She asks me have I been touched
Have I done the thing with anyone yet
Silence - a shy no
And there is nothing
That we'd rather share
Than that bodily warmth if we'd dare
But she's already twelve and I am
Just a child
WARM AND SHY
She's so OLD - already twelve and I am only ten
Than was me, young and free, there and then
Now in the hotel room I lie wondering who I am
Never quite as sure after a lie of questioning
Finding out at last that freedom is
A STATE OF MIND
But still not knowing how to get along with this mankind
...finding out at last that freedom is a state of mind...
2. Ending Theme
And so I find myself here once again - first step down Remedy Lane
Budapest you tore my world apart - well, here I am
Worn with rope ends on my mind, torn with blood scarred in my eyes
But now I'm back to shake that from my life
Ending Theme, ending theme
Ripping at the seams, for an opening
Back again at Deak Ter - I know I could have left her here
It was the feeling of leaving myself that I could not bear
The same old hotel room in Pest one night before the Sziget fest
Hungarian Princess will you share my rest?
To rest my...
ENDING THEME
ENDING THEME
Ripping at the seams, for an opening
to be honest I don't know what I'm looking for - who to be
sitting here as once before, weeks ago - just waiting for a knock on that door
and I have left all I thought was me to find out, to make sure if it was you or me
that made me feel so free and real, but when we kiss I don't know, I just don't know
'cause it leaves a taste of emptiness, and I think What if I'm simply depressed?
blind, just finding rest from my mind here in Budapest?
confusing zest with the joy of being blessed with the bliss of self-escape as we kiss?
and mixing my being unstressed with your being undressed and the taste of being true
with the fresh taste of me and you as we touch? I don't know
but I saw so much of me in you, the me I've missed, the young and free in you
but still, that doesn't mean a thing, may not mean anything about my needing you
but I guess we had to meet, to be near; to make sure, and still my dear
beyond this bed and that door, to be honest, I fear I just don't know
ENDING THEME
ENDING THEME
Fanning flames to dreams of belonging
ENDING THEME
ENDING THEME
Ripping at the seams, for an opening
[Johan Hallgren]
to be honest I don't know what I'm looking for...
living here, watching you leave trough that door
3. Fandango
Watch them dance...
She is intimacy - a wonder of closeness
Fighting hypocrisy - a lonely child that
Never could believe, yet never give up
On life's insanity
Understanding is all, she fails to find it
She can never fall
All her life she's longed to be weak
All this time on roads turning bleak
Watch her dance...
He is sharpness of mind - a lonely Peter Pan
Always standing behind and from a distance
Looking at a world of love and deceit
This child of air defies every rooftop and tree
Instead of what he's craving for the most
Getting close!
Live that you might find the answers
You can't know before you live
Love and life will give you chances
From your flaws learn to forgive
All his life he's sought to be brave
All this time sought someone to save
Watch him dance...
They are two of a kind
Two children warm and wild
In a world going blind they raise their voices
Speaking for the mute
Building dreams of love finding their way through it
They are turned into myths - a beacon of hope
Live that you might find the answers
You can't know before you live
Love and life will give you chances
From your flaws learn to forgive
ALL HIS (life) HE WAS (just) WISHING
(to) BE TOUCHED (but) TOO SCARED (of)
WHAT HE (de)SIRED
(while) ALL HER (life) SHE WAS (an) OBJECT
(of) GROWN MEN'S (de)SIRE (and) WISHED TO
(be) UNTOUCHED
(now) THEY MUST (try) TO WORK (their)
UNFORGOTTEN sexuality OUT!
Watch them dance...
Always being much more human than they wished to be
They built up a world so wonderful
So pure and tense
Stained only now and then by the blood
Of their young innocence...
All their life on Tolkien's grounds
All their time on islands unfound
Trapped in a Fandango
Watch them dance!
Fandango!
Live that you might find the answers
You can't wait before you live
Love and life will give you chances
From your flaws learn to forgive...
4. A Trace of Blood
Touching ground Going home to those I miss
Safe and sound Weeks of exile turn to bliss
But there's something in her voice When she' is calling me
A trace of to lead me
Trough roads of agony With blood taste in my mouth
And clouds before my eyes
I kneel beside the bed Where my bleeding dryad lies
Three young souls in misery
Hitting ground Nausea wakes me up at dawn
Hopes are found
Dissected, turned and then
Withdrawn
A chair of steel and wire Her legs are open wide
Helpless in myself I stand there cold beside
The doctors stay away Leave us with this dismay
To see the colours of a miracle Fade and turn to grey
Then a cry and rivers of blood Flow so sadly
bringing you
Our dreams pour into a cold tray Two young souls in misery
Missing you
I never knew your name but I will miss you just the same
I was to live for you I lost the will to live at all the day you came
It'll never be the same but I will love you just the same
You were to be the first, how wonderful
Now I will always fear to hope again
The irony Of seeing me whispering through her skin
So joyfully To our child there deep within
Or of when she called to me To tell me cheerfully
That she had seen our shape On a hospital screen
And of nurses being concerned That you never moved or turned
Too late we see the warning Too late we learn
[Hallgren]
[Gildenlow]
I never saw your face and now you're gone without a trace
Except the trace of blood that's deeply scarred into my eyes To fill your place
It'll never be the same but I will love you just the same
I was prepared to be your father How can I ever prepare for that again?
Still I follow that trace of blood Always leading back to you
Hollow years of damming that flood Two young souls in misery
Missing you... missing you...
5. This Heart of Mine (I Pledge)
I lie awake watching your shoulders
Move so softly as you breathe
With every breath you're growing older
But that is fine if you're with me
I pledge to wake you with a smile
I pledge to hold you when you cry
I pledge to love you till I die
Till I die
The rays of dawn plays on your eyelids
A sleeping beauty dressed in sun
I will wake you with a smile
I will hold you when you cry
I will love you till I die
Till I die
Till I die
I believe this heart of mine when it tells my eyes
That this is beauty
I believe this heart of mine when it tells my mind
That this is reason
I believe this heart of mine when it cries at time
That this is forever
I believe this heart of mine when it tells the skies
That this is the face of God
[Daniel Gildenlow]
I lie awake watching your shoulders
6. Thorn Clown *
I dream my dreams all alone at night
My life's a cartoon in black and white
I'm sick of this paint in my face!
I'm always the one to make the show
A laughing clown, wings black as a crow
I carry this large mind with pain
A mind in this world seems in vain
I remember all those years
Running through the freedom
What became of the child I used to be?
I remember all those tears
Melting ny own face and now
It has become the one I thought was yours
Oh, look at this pityful young soul
Is he beyond or behind, who knows...
But there's no one to burn at his pace
Contemplating wave lengths in the bath
While scorching himself to make us laugh
This beckoning mind cannot be
Insanity might set it free
I remember all those years when I was invincible
What became of the child that used to laugh?
I remember all those fears
Bleaching this wild heart and now
It has become the gray I thought was yours
If you'd just let him in, if you would just touch him
He would love, he would grow
He could rest his old soul
Maybe he's difficult but he's still beautiful
Wild at heart, troubled mind
Torn apart, seeking his kind
7. Undertow
Let me go
Let me go
Let me seek the answer that I need to know
Let me find a way
Let me walk away
Through the Undertow
Please let me go
Let me fly
Let me fly
Let me rise against that blood-red velvet sky
Let me chase it all
Break my wings and fall
Probably survive
So let me fly
Let me fly...
Let me run
Let me run
Let me ride the crest of chance into the sun
You were always there
But you may lose me here
Now love me if you dare
And let me run
I'm alive and I am true to my heart now - I am I,
but why must truth alwas make me die?
Let me break!
Let me bleed!
Let me tear myself apart I need to breathe!
Let me lose my way!
Let me walk astray!
Maybe to proceed...
Just let me bleed!
Let me drain!
Let me die!
Let me break the things I love I need to cry!
Let me burn it all!
Let me take my fall!
Through the cleansing fire!
Now let me die!
Let me die...
Let me out
Let me fade into that pitch-black velvet night
8. Rope Ends
She is still young...
Another day of emptiness
This life is wearing her down
The room around her is a mess
Her children safe with her mom
She is still young but feeling old
Two children with different fathers
She sits on the bathroom floor alone
The shower chain broke
Her neck hurts
Then another night of emptiness to wear her down
Naked to the world she wraps her sadness in a gown
Her children fast asleep she sears the dark with glassy eyes
Choosing carefully among her husband's business ties
"Over!" she cries through rope ends and silk ties
Beautiful life escaping her young blue eyes
But life holds her hand, refusing to let go
Leaving her breathing on the floor
They're still asleep don't hear her cry
And she's still obsessed with rope ends
This time she picks a stronger tie
With Winnie the Pooh and friends
She is still young but feeling old
A child dying to be a mother
Now she hangs from the ceiling all alone
All pressure is falling from her
Seeing guilt has taught her guilt she's raised on disbelief
Merely twenty beautiful but with a taste for grief
She has learnt all that there is to know about hopelessness
Seeing that no effort in this world can stand her test
"Over!" she cries through rope ends and silk ties
Beautiful life escaping her young blue eyes
And Winnie is strong, would never let her fall
Prevents her from breathing till she's not there at all
But life holds her hands, refusing to let go
Leaving her breathing on the floor
[Johan Hallgren]
[Daniel Gildenlow]
Seeing guilt has taught her guilt she's raised on disbelief
Merely twenty beautiful but with a taste for grief
She has learnt all that there is to know about helplessness
Seeing that no caring in this world can ease her stress
Helpless she lies in rope ends and undies
Unseeing eyes fixating Eeyore's smile
"Over!" she cries as she's going unblind
Still in this life
Still in this troubled mind
The ceiling let go, the old house let her fall
Dropping her breathing to the hard cold floor
Hitting her head - a broken china soul
Red stains on porcelain and she's not there at all
Breathing she cries for rope ends and silk ties
Beautiful eyes Piglet stands shy behind
Broken she lies undead and unblind
Beautiful life
Beautiful crying young eyes
Blackened and bruised, learning how to see
Staring at her tooth - crimsoned ivory
Hours they pass this broken china soul
Red stains on porcelain
And she's not there at all...
9. Chain Sling
"Please let me be yours please never leave
Please stay here close to me
All love we shared where is it now?
Please let me be better than I was
Please don't give up on us
The thought of leaving you - I don't know how"
"I can feel the pain you have inside
I see it in your eyes
Those eyes that used to shine for me
I can feel the wildness in your heart
That's tearing us apart
My love how can I help if you don't want me?"
"There is nothing you can do to help me now
I am lost within myself as so many times before
There's nothing you can do to ease my pain
I am so, so sorry but if you love me you must let go"
Two young souls in the dance of a chain sling
Love once born from the ink of Solitude
Bidding to dance in the swing of a rope end
Walking their Remedy Lane
trough this interlude of pain
Who will be there now?
When I lose one true love?
(When I lose my love)
I am falling now
Darkness below and above
There is nothing you can do to help me now
I am lost within myself as so many times before
There's nothing you can do to ease my pain
I am so, so sorry but if you love me you must let go
Two young souls in the dance of a chain sling
Love once born from the ink of Solitude
Bidding to dance in a swing of a rope end
Walking their Remedy Lane through this interlude of pain
Who will be there now When I lose my one true love?
(I am falling now)
Have I lost Myself? To love someone else...
"Please let me be yours please never leave
Please stay here close to me
All love we shared where is it now?
Please let me be better than I was
Please don't give up on us
The thought of leaving you..."
I DON'T KNOW HOW
10. Dryad of the Woods
"Then came a girl
A dryad of the woods
with a sing over her door saying
"If you enter
You must forgive me everything!"
With a heart too big and brave
To let me dissapear
And still I hear
"May I sleep at your feet?"
And so she went over my fence
And reached out a hand
That I had to take
That I just had to take
...love
never let me
lose that love
never let me
lose that love
never let me
lose that love
never...
Sometimes, forgiving will
just take you one step too far
and you find yourself on Remedy Lane
Sometimes forgiving is too much
like self abuse
Sometimes forgiving leaves
too much sear tissue behind
Even if I could one day learn
to forgive you everything
Could I learn to forgive myself?
probably
I simply
didn't
understand
the full
notion of
the world
forgive"
11. Remedy Lane
"yes
I am in love
I wanted to
find out
right?
...but...
in love
with whom
or with what?
to love to a city
to the flesh
to the past
to the laugh
uncontrolled
to myself again
and suddenly I know
that this is dangerous"
12. Waking Every God
Ticking... Ticking... Wishing... wishing...
Standing here in Buda trying to explain
To myself and to the girl beside
Why I feel so weightless and free from all my pain
Telling yourself that you're here inside
For the wind is in my hair as we are on this sun hot roof
And far below the Danube passes as we talk
And I'd like to think that this is what you wanted me to find
This happiness could help us rebuild what we've lost
Calling - walking every god
Falling - love is my blood
Breathing - love is life unbound
Kneeling - let me tread its ground
Trough her eyes I can see who you used to be
Trough my eyes she can see
What that feeling means to me
Oh, ticking...
Wishing I was stronger - wishing I was whole
Wishing I was someone that I'm not
And I wish that I could linger to the faith I used to have
Wishing of myself to be a god
I'm wishing to be a god!
[Daniel Gildenlow]
[Johan Halgren]
Calling - waking every god
Falling - love is in my blood
Breathing - love is life unbound
Kneeling - let me tread its ground
Through her eyes I can see who I used to be
Through my eyes she can see
Numb anxiety
Love take me home
Life shake me home!
13. Second Love
Day after day
Nothing's changed you're far away
But I need you to know that I can't sleep anymore
By the nights
Night after night
The stars are shining so bright
Though our pain is larger than the universe tonight
I want you to know I can't sleep anymore
By the nights
By the nights
Day after day I want you to say
That you're mine
You are mine
Year after year
Tear after tear
I feel like my heart will break in two
You came like a wind I couldn't defend
You cut my heart so deeply
The scars won't mend
I'll never believe in love anymore
After this
After this
Can never change or rearrange
What we lost
What we lost
[Gildenlow]
Time after time
I am wasting my time
Living in a past where I was strong
But now I am gone
I leave no shadow when I'm alone
I'll stay forever in my dreams where you are near
Want you to know I can't sleep anymore
By the nights
By the nights
Day after day I want you to say
That you're mine
14. Beyond the Pale
And SEX was always there from when I was only eight years - tempting me leave thirsty
Sweat, skin, a PULSE divine to balance this restless MIND - it seems so wonderfully physical
Oh the BLOOD, the lust, the bodies that color the world: all drugs to die for! Won't you share my fire?
How can LOVE make that world a minefield of forbidden GROUND?
A map of untouchable skin and SILENCED desire?
And love was there in vain, PROFOUND and deep but traced with pain - too early for a child of TEN
Loving the pure and sane he sought the goddess unstained - watching them turn to flesh again
HUNGRY for both the PURITY and SIN
Life seemed to him merely like a GALLERY of how to be
And he was always much HUMAN than he wished to be
But there is a LOGIC to his world, if they could only see
Wishing - Sickened - I'll - Ticking
SOMEONE still this hunger (it's in my blood) always growing stronger (ticking)
BUDAPEST I'm learning, Budapest you're burning me
This is not who I wanted to be, this is not what I wanted to see
She's so young so why don't I feel free now that she is here under me?
Naked- Touching - Soft - Clutching
And then after all it lead me here to wake up again
Seeking a love that might make me feel free in myself but then it proves to be
Something that hurts inside when we touch, so I move on, I lose my way
Astray I'm trying too much to feel unchained, to burn out this sense of feeling cold
And every day I seek my prey: someone to taste and to hold
I feel alive during the split second when they smile and meet my eyes
But I could cry 'cause I feel broken inside!
COME and DROWN with me- the UNDERTOW will sweep us away!
And you will see that I'm ADDICTED to my HONESTY
Trust! 'Cause after all my sense of TRUTH once crought me here
But I've LOST control and I don't know if I am true to my soul
I've lost CONTROL and I don't know if I am true to my soul
Losing control and I don't know if I am TRUE AT ALL
[Johan Hallgren]
[Daniel Gildenlow]
And we were always much more human than we wished to be...
And I remember when you said you've been UNDER him - I was suprised to feel such pain
And all those years of being faithful to YOU despite the hunger flowing through my veins
And I have always tried to calm things down - SWALLOW down swallow down
"It's just another small THORN in my crown"
But suddenly one day there was too much blood in my eyes, and I had to take this WALK down
REMEDY LANE of whens and whys...
Empty - Licking - Clean - Choking
SOMEONE still hunger (possessing my mind) always growing stronger (craving)
BUDAPEST I'm learning, Budapest I'm burning me
This is not who I wanted to be, this is not what I wanted to see
She's so young so why I don't feel free now that she's under me?
In the morning she's going away in a Budapest taxi I've paid
Seeking freedom I touched the untouched - it's too much - I'm BEYOND THE PALE...
Prematurity is the story of both you and me, and we were always much more human than we wished to be
Prematurity is truly the story of both you and me, and we were always much more human than we wished to be
We were always much more human than we wished to be - we were always much more human than we wished to be
We will always be much more human than we wish to be
WE WILL ALWAYS MUCH MORE HUMAN THAN WE WISH TO BE...
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