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MEDULLA NOCTE LYRICS
"Dying From The Inside" (2000)
1. Deafened By the Sound of Silence
2. Twice the Trauma
3. The Nervous Reaction
4. Scared of Strangers
5. Has the Penny Dropped?
6. Nothing for Second
7. Outcast
8. Broken State of Mind
9. Inside I'm Dying
1. Deafened By the Sound of Silence
No, not the ringing
Wide awake, suffering
Constant hissing-deafening
Constantly, constantly
Reverberate inside my skull [x4]
The sound is silent, yet exhaustive
It's violent, but absorbing
It's calming, but annoying
It's coming!
Deafened by the sound of silence
My fear has kept me in my place
All chains are now broken
And I'm ashamed to show my face
And now, I've never felt so out of place
No, not the ringing
Head in hands, whimpering
Hands are shaking, body aching
Aching sounds, reverberating
Reverberate inside my skull [x4]
The sound is silent, yet exhaustive
It's violent, but absorbing
It's calming, but annoying
It's coming!
Deafened by the sound of silence
I'm consumed within it's mist
And as the ringing grows louder
I feel the blade against my wrist
And slowly I'm hearing the volume....increase
You can call me paranoid
Call me a freak
But I've got to distrust everbody that I meet
Made enough apolgies
They're ones I retract
Cos every time I turn away, I get stabbed in the back
Have you gained anything with your selfishness
Except my distrust and utter conceit
Are you satisfied to strip me of all that I have
Like the dignity I had that was stripped [repeat]
The sound is silent, yet exhaustive
It's violent...but supportive
Reverberate inside my skull [repeat]
Shut up!
2. Twice the Trauma
Thoughtlessness, you're meaningful
But so irritating
Your inner soul of torment keeps you
From discovering your true self
While walking a tightrope
That none can follow
Saying that you made the effort
But failed abysmally
All your senses gagged and bound
But with you the blame lies elsewhere
Take a look at what you have done
It's all your fault [x8]
Struggling, making sense of a hopeless case
How can you look me in the face
And say that you were not to blame
How can I forgive you, when the betrayal continues
When will you learn that I never can trust you
When will you learn that you can never be my friend
What will it take for you to listen?
You've now destroyed me
Hurt my feelings, laughed out loud
But with you the blame lies elsewhere
Take a look at what you have done
It's all your fault [x8]
When I'm alone, I see your face
And I can understand how I can feel such rage
I will not forget
Your betrayal was the hardest thing to take
You put yourself first, regardless of the mess that you made
I can't forgive, can't even think about you
You will be sorry, you will be sorry
It's all your fault [repeat]
3. The Nervous Reaction
Laughing at tragedy
The misery that captivates me
Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind
Is it a sickness? cos I always get the same reaction from you every time
I never thought that death was so much fun [repeat]
The nervous reaction
The lack of affection
The wounds wide open
The urge for confrontation
I never meant to cause you pain, I just can't help it
I want to triumph the top of the game
Despite the circumstances, I can't help laughing [repeat]
Unaware of bitter glances
Hiding, never taking chances
Using my hands to cover up the fact I'm smiling
It just never sinks in cos I always get the same reaction from you
And you pull no punches
I never thought that death was so much fun [repeat]
The nervous reaction
The lack of affection
The wounds wide open
The urge for confrontation
I never meant to cause you pain, I just can't help it
Messed up your feelings once again
Trying so hard to make amends
Keep saying sorry again and again
I never thought that death could be so much fun
Can't stop the tremors
Laughing at tragedy
A downfall that amuses me
Cracking my ribs, knowing that it's you that suffers I am glad that you're
dead
Because I always get the same reaction.....
4. Scared of Strangers
Desperation fills the air that I breath
And will power is now stolen
Sweat profusely, but cold to the touch
Needing help, but refuse to go outside
Don't speak to me
Don't even look my way
Don't speak to me
Discomfort in company
Yet misery alone
All my emotions, completely empty
Horror at the thought of closeness
Don't speak to me
Don't even look my way
Don't speak to me
Can't face you or your kind
Can't face the fact I'm sick
Stay reclusive, I have to
Imprisoned within this cage
Feeling eyes burn into my face
An early exit, got to get some space
A whole lifetime, scared of strangers [repeat]
I need help....
Can't stand to face people unknown
Four walls are a prison that I call home
And the thought of death
I just can't cope
5. Has the Penny Dropped?
I feel like breaking you in two
Why do you always betray so often
The thought of you makes my skin crawl
I can't forgive you for what you've done
Nothing, nothing you've done will ever be forgotten, looking after yourself
And fuck the rest of us
Just lying paralysed - but always awake
Has the penny dropped
Has the penny dropped yet?
Crawl into your hiding space, make sure that I never see you
For you will die for what you've done
Your moral structure will crumble, ego deflated
Expression of rage, no final warning
Just deadly silence
I could be happy but I'm so full of hate
Has the penny dropped
Has the penny dropped yet?
Payback!
No-one can help you now [repeat]
I could snuff you like a candle, and still show no remorse
The silver spoon in your mouth has been from birth
The time has come to think for yourself
Is the feeling that good that you'd sell out your friends?
You will be uncovered you snivelling fuck
You will be uncovered
Just lying paralysed - but always awake
Has the penny dropped
Has the penny dropped yet?
Payback!
6. Nothing for Second
Can't accept rewards that I've received
This fear of losing leaves it's scars on me
I'm sorry I didn't fit in
I'm sorry that I've got a complex
I'm sorry but my life is a joke
I'm sorry I seem to have failed you
I'm sorry that my life is a mess
I'm sorry but I don't have the answers
I'm sorry but I did my best
I'm sorry I can't take the shame
I'm sorry but no-one can help me
Strive for success, success, success....
The path I tread is one I have to follow
There's nothing for second, there's nothing for second
Still make the same mistakes [x4]
Despondent, this empty shell takes it's last breath
I feel the pain but I still enjoy it
One day is in confidence
The next is in fear
I think I'll just stay at home
Because the next I might not see the end of
What I thought that I loved I find I despise
It's killing me slowly, infront of my eyes
Try to win the race, the race, the race....
[repeat chorus]
The future is not all it's cracked to be
I just apologise for fucking things up again [repeat]
Start, fight, defeat, again (oh no not again, not again)
Competitive to the last, still walk away with nothing, nothing....
Still make the same mistakes [x4]
I wasn't good enough [repeat]
And I apologize for fuck all
7. Outcast
Slowly drowning
Slowly crying
Frightened to a point
I'm changing tactics
Calmly sinking
Lungs contracting
But slowly breathing
Drown, drown, drown
All I've lost is a will to live
I don't fit in [x4]
Outcast
Finding peace now
Eyes are closed now
Suffocating
Demons leaving
Slowly breathing
Tears are bleeding
Isolated
Drown, drown, drown
All I've lost is a will to live
I don't fit in [x4]
Asphyxiating, suffocating [repeat]
Call my name as I float away, float away
Call my name as I float away
I've been outcast!
If living means suffering with conscience
Then death seems the only release
No more nights of insomnia
No more days of bitterness
I've never been accepted
I've never been part of this
Now always play the outcast
I never thought it would come to this [x5]
Call my name as I float away
Feel my lungs contract!
8. Broken State of Mind
A broken state of mind
The damage can't not be repaired
You call yourself a friend [x3]
What scheme are you behind?
You're responsible again [x4]
Everything was great
Until you showed your face
Just a hollow shell remains
And a broken state of mind
Eyesight is turning to black
Blinded by your selfishness
Once again the victim [x3]
Once again the one to suffer
So disappointed in you [x4]
Everything was great
Until you showed your face
Just a hollow shell remains
And a broken state of mind [x4]
The room was filled with laughter and the laughter aimed at me
The room was filled with laughter and the laughter was aimed at me,
Not the shame, not the shame, and a broken state of mind
Conscience cracking under strain
Stressed beyond the point of repair
You call yourself a friend [x4]
I'm so disappointed in you [x12]
9. Inside I'm Dying
These sores remain within me and as they congregate like leeches on my SKIN
- I try to SHED
I scratch MYSELF til I bleed - I DESERVE IT!
Nausea creeps up on me in times when my head should be clear - the STENCH of
sickness STAINS my face
It CAN'T be real - for GOD'S SAKE HELP ME!
Inside I'm dying
All this time, when I was sick, and you knew
This condition is the only one appropriate for me
I'm the only one that suffers at my own hands, I'm unconcious, unconcious -
but...
Aaargh, now inside I'm dying
All this time, when I was sick, and you knew
Just looked upon with caution, I'm a freak that feigns for sympathy - It's
JUST the pain is REAL
I see the WOUNDS fester - why can't you see?
Inside I'm dying
All this time, when I was sick, and you knew
This condition is the only one appropriate for me
I'm the only one that suffers at my own hands, I'm unconcious, unconcious -
but...
Aaargh, now inside I'm dying
All this time, when I was sick, and you knew
Inside I'm dying, dying
All this time, when I was sick, you knew!
It's me who suffers
It's me who suffers
It's me that suffers...
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