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CRETIN LYRICS
"Freakery" (2006)
1. Tooth and Claw
2. Tazer
3. Daddy's Little Girl
4. Uni-Tit
5. Cook the Cupcake
6. Cockfight
7. Object of Utility
8. Creepy Crawlies
9. Walking A Midget
10. Uncle Percy
11. Dirt Eater
12. Mannequin
13. A Fowl Fetish
14. Making Roadkill
15. The Yawning God
16. Profane
1. Tooth and Claw
[Music: Widener] [Lyrics: Widener]
There was a bitter woman with a farm near the woods
She kidnapped babies—raised them crazy—robbed their childhood
Penned in chicken coups like filthy animals
The woman kept her feral kids in a human kennel
Children running around
Chasing birds like geeks
Growling, howling, carrying on
They never learned to speak
The children's' brains were wrong but still they had to try
Escape had always stumped them—the fence was very high
A monkey-boy who liked to climb scaled it just in time
The feral kids were punished for his daring crime
Naked in the woods
Monkey-boy was scared
The feral kids cheered him on
He wished that he was there
[Guitar solo: Martinez]
Mom lit firecrackers, frightening them to tears
Accidentally dropped the lighter—angry pack drew near
Biting her near death, they breathed their first free breath
Then fled into the wild, no longer human pets
2. Tazer
[Music: Widener] [Lyrics: Widener / Martinez]
I have a van
It's a special van
It has a couch in the back
So I don't have to stand
I've covered the walls
With egg cartons and foam
Soundproofed my home
So you and I can be alone
I am a man
I’m a frightening man
I’ll do things tonight
You won’t understand
Fogging the windows
With my eager breath
Zapping your flesh
You’ll beg me for death
The open van door unnerves you a bit
I pounce when you walk by—a gibbering miscreant
I'm not wearing pants and I smell like burnt hair
My tazer crackles and lights the night air
I have a plan
It's a secret plan
I'll borrow you awhile
And shock you in my van
You’ll writhe and squirm
Spasm and twitch
Fifty thousand volts
Surging through you bitch
I’m just a man
With stun gun in hand
Your nightmare won’t end
Until sparks fill my van
I'll tazer your soft bits
And giggle when you pee
Then we'll drive far away
And I'll set you free
I know it's wrong but I find it enchanting
Your body tenses and I can't stop my laughing
I like to pretend that you're having fun
Your grimace, a smile, lit by my stun gun
3. Daddy's Little Girl
[Music: Martinez / Jones] [Lyrics: Widener / Martinez]
I didn’t want a son
I got one anyway
Little boys have nasty
Things between their legs
I’d rather have a girl
A dolly I can dress
My pretty little princess
A transgender success
Daddy’s little girl
Daddy’s little girl
Dressing him in drag
He’s confused and kind of sad
Daddy’s little girl
Daddy’s little girl
Teaching him to be
A little she and not a he
I put the lipstick on his face
And make him wear a dress
He cries and carries on so much
Mascara makes a mess
We have a fashion show
He models mommy’s clothes
Teetering in heels
He learns to strut and pose
I make him tuck his stuff
Back between his crack
He stumbles when he walks
Until he gets the knack
Daddy’s little girl
Daddy’s little girl
Slipping hormones in his food
He blossoms into womanhood
Daddy’s little girl
Daddy’s little girl
His breasts begin to swell
Is he Michael or Michelle?
Teased by kids at school
Because I send him there
With painted fingernails
And lacy underwear
They lift his frilly skirt
And pull his ponytail
Then snap his training bra
And call him "faggot"
He thinks I’m saving money
For his college education
I plan to use the money for
His sex change operation
4. Uni-Tit
[Music: Martinez] [Lyrics: Widener / Martinez]
Science built his single breast
Saline under skin
Lopsided and misshapen
He can't stop fondling it
Masturbates with his right hand
While pawing with his left
Pinch the nipple extra hard
He gropes his deformed chest
He is Mr. Uni-tit
Surgical miscreant
People point and laugh at it
He’s a fetishistic freak
He tries on lacy undergarments
Half the time he fits
Mocking children throw things at
His lonely, single tit
He'll rub it on you as he walks by
His nipple hard, just a bit
Then breathe a little forlorn sigh
He's Mr. Uni-tit
5. Cook the Cupcake
[Music: Martinez / Jones / Widener] [Lyrics: Widener]
I'm woken with a piss shower
In their filthy shack
I can't remember how they got me
Or why I'm tied down on my back
Three cretins hold me hostage
And make me play their games
The leader has a tiny head
And rapes me everyday
His friend is missing all his teeth
And covers me in drool
The small one makes me eat his shit
And dances as I do
They like to hear me beg and plead
They taunt me with their nonsense speech
They leave sometimes—I don't know where
The doorknob's just beyond my reach
We play a game called "Cook the Cupcake"
Where I hold food in my ass
They kick me and it pops right out
Junior eats it very fast
Toothless scares me with a knife
Then beats my ear and I pass out
I softly dream of pleasant things
But wake with cock inside my mouth
Then one day they let me go
I stumble out the door
I run for miles but realize that
They're really after more
They chase me till I fall into
A pit they've dug for me
Then they play "Salty Rain"
And ejaculate on me
[Guitar solo: Martinez]
6. Cockfight
[Music: Martinez / Jones] [Lyrics: Widener]
Cockfight
Cockfight
Filthy bums and lunatics
Surprising people with their dicks
Cockfight
Cockfight
Pouncing with their genitals
Slapping with their testicles
In the city depths
Behind alley streets
Lives a grotesque club
Of homeless cretin freaks
Stalking in the dark
Without any pants
Crawling through the trash
They wait for those who pass
Here comes someone walking by
Unsuspecting normal guy
Cockfighters assault the loner
Ambush with their dirty boners
Some scream while they hump
Bruising inner thighs
Some just masturbate
Others hug and cry
Too afraid to move
Victims shut their eyes
Listen to the madmen
Titter, moan, and sigh
Outcasts driven to seek pleasure
Cockfighters are kind of clever
Mixing sex with violence
Cretins make perverted sense
7. Object of Utility
[Music: Martinez] [Lyrics: Martinez]
She is not calm till sheathed within
Her black constrictive latex skin
From head to toe no flesh exposed
A Rubber Doll to fuck and pose
An eyeless mask engulfs her face
Her features swallowed in its tight embrace
Her breathing heaves, she moans with lust
I polish and buff my latex slut
Custom rigs and racks built to aid her transformation
She'd rather live her life as a household decoration
Paranoid by freedom she prefers her fantasy
To be a sexy chair or table—objectified entirely
She spends her days gagged, plugged, and bound
Electrodes zap her hairless mound
As furniture items in my home
Hung upside down or packed in foam
One day I had her teeth removed
Replaced her lips with an inner tube
Inflated, they fit extra tight
She licks the rubber with delight
[Bass solo: Widener]
[Guitar solo: Martinez]
[Bass solo: Widener]
[Guitar solo: Martinez]
Secure to be a latex object of utility
I augment her condition with intensive surgery
Sightless, she took time to discover how she'd been improved
She climaxed when she realized that her arms had been removed
8. Creepy Crawlies
[Music: Widener] [Lyrics: Widener / Martinez]
Smearing honey on his body, waiting for the bugs
He knows his habit's gotten bad, but it's too damn fun
Nothing could prepare him for the way they make him feel
Insects tickle, make him giggle, lapping up their meal
Gets his jollies, creepy-crawlies dancing on his skin
One gets food and one gets off, both are bound to win
A probing fly climbs up his pee hole, then it lays some eggs
Cretin shakes the critters off and shoos them all away
Starts to hurt
Maggots squirm
Infected dick
Makes him sick
Creepy crawlies
Cretin follies
Dangerous jollies
Creepy crawlies
Pelvic pains and tender balls keep him up at night
His swelling groin lets him know that something isn't right
Clutching at his belly, too sick to want to play
Reluctantly he has to send his insect friends away
Baby flies burst from boils, buzzing through the air
The swarming vulgar mass of bugs gives him quite a scare
He throws himself into a pool of water frantically
Never having learned to swim, poor bastard quickly sinks
Going down
Man and bug drown
Holding breath
Wait for death
[Guitar solo: Martinez]
Creepy crawlies
Cretin follies
Dangerous jollies
Creepy crawlies
9. Walking A Midget
[Music: Martinez / Jones / Widener] [Lyrics: Widener]
I own a happy midget—I walk him in the yard
He's tethered to a leash—we don't go very far
Stumpy arms and legs—prancing by my side
He trains so hard—I promised him—one day we'd go outside
Oh, my proud little man
Summersaults and handstands
Show me those silly midget tricks
When I clap my hands—he jumps and does a flip
I tell him that it's time—he shrieks and wets the floor
When I attach his leash—he drags me to the door
We will show the people—who used to laugh at you
Just what a special midget—can be trained to do
Oh, stubby dwarven friend
My companion till the end
Runs just as fast as he can
Don't forget to flip—when I clap my hands
[Guitar solo: Martinez]
Strutting down the street—he's on his brand new leash
He tries to jump on people—I keep him out of reach
All the people ask me—why I treat him wrong
I tell them they did worse—then we sing our song
"Happy little midget, running down the street
Happy little midget, skip on stunted feet
Walk my funny midget, watch him do his tricks"
Then I clap my hands—he jumps and does a flip
10. Uncle Percy
[Music: Martinez / Jones] [Lyrics: Widener / Martinez]
Retarded Uncle Percy lives
At his sister’s place
Her children help clean up his mess
While she is away
One day he hugged the family dog
Tighter than he should
Then dragged the dead thing by its leash
Around the neighborhood
Grieving in the cemetery
Where they bury pets
Uncle Percy yelps and barks
Not understanding death
He tries to cheer the children up
He hates to see them cry
His simple ways just make things worse
Percy wonders why
[Guitar solo: Martinez]
He plans to resurrect the pet
Dig it from the ground
Present them with their faithful friend
Their decomposing hound
He finds his way back to the grave
Very late that night
Digs up the dog and skins it with
His rusty pocketknife
Stab into the rotting beast and strip it of its pelt
Double-knotting shoelace strings, he ties it to himself
Dropping down onto all fours, he hopes they can pretend
This naked, bloody cretin is their favorite furry friend
Wearing dog skin like a mask, he lumbers through the yard
He chases birds and squirrels and toys – a growling, yelping tard
He scratches at the children’s window, hoping they will play
Horrified, the children scream and scare Percy away
11. Dirt Eater
[Music: Martinez] [Lyrics: Martinez]
Everyday you'll find her out there
Crouched down on her knees
Rain or shine she spends some time
Yet her yard is full of weeds
One day while watching from my window
And much to my surprise
I found out her dirty secret
She tried so hard to hide
Normal by all appearances
No one would suspect
The nice old woman from next door
Is a filthy wretch
She fingers through the soil
And she picks the pebbles out
Then scoops up a spoonful
And pops it in her mouth
Consuming clumps of earth
She gobbles clots of dirt
The grit and grime she eats
Gets caught between her teeth
[Guitar solo: Martinez]
Scarfing scum and mulch and muck
A frantic feasting binge
She stuffs her withered cheeks so full
Mud dribbles down her chin
She shovels gravel in her face
And swallows every bit
I'll bet you that it hurts like hell
When she takes a shit
Consuming clumps of earth
She gobbles clots of dirt
The grit and grime she eats
Gets caught between her teeth
12. Mannequin
[Music: Widener] [Lyrics: Widener]
An old man's at the department store
But he's not shopping today
Stroking mannequins with wrinkled hands
He clumsily masturbates
Stealing plastic arms and legs
So he won't hurt real women
Fulfills his need by painting seed
On half-dressed mannequins
The old man hugs the plastic ladies
Until their wigs fall off
He licks their painted heads and wonders
If their silence is enough
Gluing clothes to plastic skin
The lonely man needs something more
Semen in the discount bin
Security chase him through the store
Mannequin
He comes to you again
With penis in hand
Mannequin
The old man weeps in the women's section
His favorite dummy's gone
She was 5'9" with shapely legs
And assembled in Taiwan
He searches in the dumpster
And finds a sea of limbs
He dives into the plastic pile
They finally embrace him
13. A Fowl Fetish
[Music: Martinez / Jones / Widener] [Lyrics: Widener / Martinez]
I’m a rapist of poultry
Plucked, stuffed, and cooked
My recipe for love
Comes from a cookbook
You might call it sick
But you’d be mistaken
I’m fowly in love
Nude beneath my apron
Lovingly prepping
My prizewinning game hen
Tongue-kiss the neck hole
Fingering her rear end
Massaging in spices
Culinary foreplay
My bumpy-fleshed lover
A finger lickin’ good lay
The turkey gobbles
The rooster crows
My glistening meat baster
Swells and grows
Dressing for sex with a twist
Spread her thighs, I grease my fist
I work the stuffing in her hole
Knees buckle when I lose control
I set the oven to cook real quick
And push the button with my dick
Lighting candles sets the mood
As I prepare to fuck my food
A breast or thigh
Neck or wing
My original or crispy
Sex cuisine
The scent of my lover
Hangs thick in the air
Through the oven window
I masturbate and stare
My lust overwhelms me
Throw open the door
Scalding my hands
I mount her on the floor
I plunge my cock into her meat
The steaming juices feel so sweet
Our fevered thrusting shakes the walls
Homemade stuffing burns my balls
She falls apart and cannot last
I shove a drumstick up my ass
Clawing at her tender breasts
I cum and then I eat the rest
14. Making Roadkill
[Music: Martinez] [Lyrics: Widener / Martinez]
Shambling down the roadside
Cheering as he goes
A manic, flailing cretin
In filthy, tattered clothes
Dead things are his playmates
He takes them in his care
Clutching limbs and tails
He whips roadkill through the air
He uses them in puppet shows
Hung around his shack
Stuffs his backpack full of fur
Some bloody—most are flat
Tied onto his belt of rope
A skirt of sunbaked stink
Running out of furry friends
He strokes their pelts and thinks
Setting makeshift traps
He titters and he claps
Birdies, fish, and rats
Are crammed in burlap sacks
[Guitar solo: Olivo]
He drags the critters to the street
Waits for cars to pass
Then throws them at the tire wells
It kills them very fast
Sometimes lucky animals
Scurry past unharmed
Cretin screams and gives up chase
But catching them is hard
Drags them from their dens
Yanks them from their pens
They bite his scabby hand
He tosses them again
[Guitar solo: Martinez]
One day running after prey
A stormy winter day
An orange van hits the man
And breaks both of his legs
He drags himself back to his fort
Despite the biting pain
And wraps himself in animals
Roadkill that he made
15. The Yawning God
[Music: Widener] [Lyrics: Widener]
Dullard skipping down the street
Whistling to a tuneless beat
Tripping over his own feet
He falls into a hole
A stinking sewage hole
To his mind, his simple mind
His god lives here, lives right inside
He smells the piss, the sulfur pit
His yawning god is breathing shit
Just a mundane sewage tank
Cracked open and very rank
Cretin thinks his god's awake
Thinks he's found his home
His very smelly home
Make us laugh, you silly man
As you worship this wretched land
And shave your head like monks of old
Then sacrifice things to your hole
[Bass Solo: Widener]
Brings it little animals
Until the pit is almost full
Feels the gassy brimstone pull
Then he crawls inside
So horrible inside
Then repairmen come to fix
They fill it with shovels and picks
And just as cretin sees his god
Heaven goes mysteriously dark
16. Profane
[Music: Martinez / Jones] [Lyrics: Widener / Martinez]
From the depths
Of the brain
A stream of cussing I can't refrain
Violent breath
Mental curse
Go from normal straight to terse
People laugh
Faces scowl
Words are blue and very foul
Spittle flies
Chin is wet
Goddamn motherfuck—Tourette’s
They say I’m not to fucking blame
I am profane but not insane
Motherfucker, tit, cocksucker
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt
Start to talk
Foot in mouth
Conversation going south
People wince
At what is said
Out come words like ass-fuck-head
Little kids
Learn new words
I smile big but flip the bird
Screaming fits
Are what they get
Goddamn motherfuck—Tourette’s
They say I’m not to fucking blame
I am profane but not insane
Motherfucker, tit, cocksucker
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt
Fuck you
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