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ANTIQUE LYRICS
"Book One" (2002)
1. Take This Sullen Timber
2. A Meadow To Die In
3. Essaying Paradise
4. No Tears For The Devil Inside
5. Elysium Cascades
6. Frost Upon Broken Dreams
7. What Temptation
8. One Last Thought
1. Take This Sullen Timber
I don't remember white tears of happiness,
only black streams of grief are on my mind,
stains dripping to my feet forever onward,
life weighs heavy on my existence,
come to be here who knew I'd be alone,
not even hell, could be like this.
Never was there a moment when I laughed,
except for shining times of lost sanity,
a place where my mind not always resides,
and not even it brings comfort anymore.
All I wanted was a chance to cry,
for some one to hold and to care,
alas I've escaped all reality,
my fictional existence is all there is,
no reason to the thoughts I have,
no rationale to the way I behave,
thus society around me looks distant,
not caring for anything I've become.
Please take this sullen timber,
cut from the forest of agony,
and build me a house in which to live,
alone out here in a place to call my own.
carve me a bloody mantle,
on which to lay my heart,
to rest my weary ashses,
a home for the chalice that could be,
a vessel for poison from which I drink,
and just maybe it would quench my life for me.
bereft of all but my dignity,
a pride that can't hold anymore,
my legs collapse as the life around me,
all the forest burns and dies,
stars come falling to the ground,
cinders of the firmament pile high,
this is the world to me.
I saw a ghost walk through my yard,
his shadow was as tall as mine,
dragging chains several meters long,
scraping the ground with his dried feet,
and whaling for the pain to go away,
I know for sure that time is a cycle,
and that someday I will be walking in this yard.
2. A Meadow To Die In
Beyond the shadows of the mountains,
within the grasp of the forest trees,
outside all that we know exists,
lies a simple rolling expanse of grass,
beyond the shadows of the oven,
within the grasp of a kitchen glove,
outside all that is plain and simple,
lies a delicate delicious almond cake,
no larger than a [suburban] neighbourhood,
[yet] holding more than it possibly could,
I come here on the days that are bright,
when the sun shines so beautifully 'round,
for I have no need to be here other times,
in the times of clouds and blasting rains,
for that is when my life is reflected,
appopriately in this mortal existence,
but when the sun shines and the bird does sing to me,
I come to this meadow as though beckoned,
beckoned by the song that calls out my name all the time,
maybe it should [finally] welcome me home,
[to] take from me my life and let me pass,
Please, don't let me suffer longer,
guide me to a meadow to die in,
Please, I beseech you to rid me of the pain,
lay me under a golden sky of death.
pleasant peaceful winds here grace my skin,
caressing me softly taunting my very being,
such loveless beauty that dances about me,
void of emotion this world still stirs on,
tantalizing the weak and punishing the strong,
extruding from nothing hollow riches,
collapsing our lungs and drugging our mind,
twisting our thoughts and molding our sight,
[whispering to our ears and blistering our tongues,]
I depart one more time down the rough trail,
winding up precariously through the mountain path,
dragging behind the souls of all those who have follow,
living vicariously through me as they have,
now they have no choice as they will see my end,
emerging from ancient forests into calm grasses,
looming above is the burning-stake of the [sun],
to which I've been tied so far much too long,
I find there is no need to say goodbye anymore,
I fall to the ground as another amongst the lull,
gazing upwards towards the empyrean I lament,
there shall be no reprieve for my suffering,
cursed be the celestial beings above me,
requesting only for the [simple] pleasure of death,
I will not be a felo-de-se [for their] dissipation
3. Essaying Paradise
4. No Tears For The Devil Inside
I stand here in a majestic promenade,
so vast my voice will take a day to reach you,
as you stand there within an array of many,
perusing the engraved texts on the walls,
you turn with a smile so warm and inviting,
motioning with gesture beckoning to me.
From behind my palisade I stretch out my arm to you,
my hand passes inline with my vision, catching my mind,
and I direct words to it as though it were you...
every one more you meet is one more to lose,
yet each character remains inside of you,
fragments of the images that haunt your slumber,
never quite asleep always staring blankly,
into the darkness of a room you barely know,
that for reasons unknown has become your abode,
and the days you wake not knowing where you are,
the only comfort that appears to warm you,
is the perception that it has always been this way,
[the voice speaks (inquisitive)]
why do you keep looking,
you know will never find it,
do you not understand,
there is no home for you,
and there never will be.
the images of yesterday run cycles in your head,
each day they turn a new page of your history,
recalling one more artifact that you'd forgotten,
but now the memories are too many to control,
for who you see yourself differs not from a dream,
and there is no line between reality and fantasy,
the distinction fades and the soul starts to crumble,
yet you must go on for your heart beats more,
[the voice speaks (angry)]
you know it will never be,
yet you keep searching,
essaying for that which cannot be found,
you are your own tormentor,
don't think it is me.
aware that, each time, you lock, the door,
uncertain, whether, it'll again, be opened,
there is, not a one, to whom, you say goodbye,
as you, are lost, you've always, been alone,
persisting, as a [wandering] face in the crowd,
invisible. yet [seeing and] feeling [just] the same,
reaching out the, images turn to shadows [in your grasp],
once more it is, time to move on
[the voice speaks (hysterical)]
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
are voices swirling in your little head,
do they tell you things you can't bear to hear,
is your world falling apart on you,
[the voice speaks (sympathetic)]
can't come to terms with it can you,
don't you know the devil inside,
is the mind they all adore,
acrimonious as it may sound,
realize that without me, you are nothing.
ha ha ha
I just want to scream,
but there is nobody around that will hear me,
I can't shed even a tear,
for it will land unanswered on the ground below,
I'm slipping...
must not lose grip anymore,
I'm falling...
the torments tear me apart,
I've crashed...
(breathing)
(sigh)
...I let fall my outreached arm,
turn,
and walk away.
5. Elysium Cascades
6. Frost Upon Broken Dreams
in silence I can hear,
an angel's tear falling down,
I am the silent, breath
all the death that bothers me,
I can see it clearly,
scrub so hard these sullied hands,
abrase through flesh to bone,
I thought I would become it all,
now I'm just a shell,
is there anything to save me,
tell me if there is,
I let the beauty slip away,
now there's nothing left,
infamy is how, my path shall be,
treachery is to rule the life that came of me,
everything is what, has perished all around,
there is no point to live here anymore,
all alone now, in a world of my creation,
tell me why a man should have to suffer more,
taken away, is my body a shell,
or is it my soul that shall suffer furthermore...
raze the world and call his name,
you're the only one you serve,
told me what you thought you saw,
mirrors upon a wall,
chasing, chasing,
chase the dream away,
lying, lying,
your dream is only a lie,
desparate and lost, with a world still around,
set to wander alone with the time that remains,
all is gone, all I knew is gone,
there's nothing left for me to see,
taken away, not even a shell,
a modern world that is the end of time to me,
a frozen world, it is so bitter cold,
a block of ice is the protector of my soul,
only silence, no more sound to hear,
I can no longer speak any words,
do you hear me silent?
do you hear my run away?
7. What Temptation
I'm looking for the way out,
there has to be another world,
can I trade in this reality,
for one that is not so cruel,
did I do this, or did our, fathers fall
what temptation, lead us here,
into an empty land, echoes of despair,
what prize can, lead us away
8. One Last Thought
I, float away,
to my dream,
where I...
I, want to be,
far from here,
where I...
I, can not see,
a life now,
where I think I could be free.
all this way, I've come, to see, you die,
look this way, don't shudder now,
I can't bare, that its so real,
no golden cross, upon, the sky, anymore
the waste we made, and the life ahead,
and the blood of, a damned soul,
souls demise, I am a broken man,
eyes before, a shattered god,
feet planted, in a wasted land,
Tears upon, a world I made with,
bones of the men that I've killed today,
[I] can't wash the blood on my hands away,
all that I do an my soul still rots,
buried right here, on the morning of my life
I looked to the sky and I cannot lie,
a nightmare to me and a devil's dream,
I wish that a god would wash us away,
take away the land and erase all the memories
the blood is yours, no tears today, let it be,
if I called, and if, I dreamed,
can I perish, without the screams,
I still care, about this world, but no,
just let me die, just me let die,...
die in the world that shouldn't be,
littered with the bodies of a thousand men,
children in the ground that were buried alive,
mothers that were raped by a feeding hand,
I never thought that I should care so much,
I thought I wanted to die today,
I wanted to lie down and see my end,
who knew that this world could be so cold,
they were alone, after their family died,
we killed them all, in a notion to save this world,
razed all humanity, eviscerated our only god,
salvation, nowhere to be found,
I could see inside his head,
I thought what a man thinks would be profound,
instead I was greeted only with confusion,
he looked at the blood by his feet,
and he chuckled,
he was not relishing in the destruction,
he knew that this was of his doing,
a disposition to violence reigned in his mind,
claiming to be victim and advocating punishment,
this is not his world, this is our world...
I'm so ashamed to know that I am human.
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