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AMBIVALENCE LYRICS
"The Splinters" (2004)
1. Intro
2. No Words Left
3. Deadlock
4. Alone With Misanthropy
5. The Splinters
6. De Profundum
7. Playing Sadism
8. Escape From Oneself
1. Intro
Intro
2. No Words Left
Don't you know
Why it hurts so much,
When all you need
Is just to keep silent?
Don't you know
Why it feels so bad
When everyone around
Knows the answer
But keeps it low?
No words left,
Because I don't want
To open my mouth
Like ashore laying fish.
No words left,
Because my tongue is tired so much
To articulate idle sounds.
Ignorance hurts,
Silence crashes against your walls.
And now I learn to make no complaint,
Make no complaint and wisely think,
To think with words
And not with blurry images,
Which turned into those damned words
I myself did not comprehend them.
And I wasted too many words
Speaking about nothing.
No words left,
No words left to portray
My frightful thoughts.
I can't analyse them.
No words left.
No more pain, no more fear,
No more grief, no more humiliation.
3. Deadlock
Öèðê íà ëàäîíè -
 äóøå ïóñòîòà.
Òû âûäîõ çà âäîõîì
×èòàåøü ñ ëèñòà,
 íàäåæäå èçìåðèòü
Íàó÷íûì ïóò¸ì,
Îòêóäà ïðèøëè ìû
È ïîñëå óéä¸ì.
Ðàçóì âåëèê,
Íî ìûñëè íè÷òîæíû, -
Êàêîé òîãäà ñìûñë
 èñ÷èñëåíèÿõ ñëîæíûõ?
 æàëêèõ ïîïûòêàõ
Ñåáå äîêàçàòü,
×òî æèçíü - ïðîñòî ïîâîä,
×òîáû äûøàòü?
Òû, îêðóæèâ ñåáÿ ñòåíîé,
Òàê èññòóïëåííî èùåøü âûõîä,
Íî ñ ÷åòûðåõ ñòîðîí òóïèê,
È òîëüêî ââåðõ âîçìîæåí âûïàä.
Ïûòàÿñü ïðîñòî îáúÿñíèòü
Òî, ÷òî óìó íå ïîääà¸òñÿ,
Òó ñòåíó õî÷åøü ñîêðóøèòü,
×òî íåðóøèìîé îñòà¸òñÿ.
Èçëèøíèå ïðèíöèïû
Ñëèëèñü âîåäèíî
Ñ õîëîäíûì ðàñ÷¸òîì
Òâîåé ïàóòèíû,
Ñïëåò¸ííîé â íàäåæäå
Óâÿçíóòü ïîêðåï÷å
È òàê ðàçìûøëÿòü
Íàä ñóäüáîé ÷åëîâå÷üåé,
Ïûòàÿñü íà ïàëüöàõ
Ñåáÿ óáåäèòü,
×òî òû â ñîñòîÿíèè
Ñìåðòü îáúÿñíèòü.
4. Alone With Misanthropy
The ashes in my hands
Are what you've told today.
The frankness is in what you
Will deny me tomorrow.
Indifference - here’s the most refined
Gift to my enemies.
But I'll present it later,
When I suppress my fury.
And shall leave you alone
With your misanthropy.
We treated each other
With blame for breakfast,
Smile for dinner
And treachery for supper.
Why is it considered a weakness
To stand beyond this framework?
Each of them wants
To be strong in his weakness.
And they think
They can see through me,
But actually they are blind from birth.
They wish only to devour each other,
To drown the weaker,
To rise the most above.
Stay alone with your misanthropy.
5. The Splinters
I’ve tried so much to reform
What has uprooted it from myself
And threw it in your face
As a dirty cloth.
Forgive me for my contradictious feelings.
Once they will be crushed with indifference
And I'll quietly rejoice at this.
Oh, please, cut my soul
Even deeper, than you like.
Eviscerate again and again,
The all rotten insides
Of my good intentions,
Which are so easy to mock at.
Break the glass wall,
Behind which you hide your humanity,
Break to thousands of splinters
And let they pierce yours plasticine thoughts,
These ugly logic chains.
I want to see, how you'll be cut.
I want to see, how you'll awake.
I want to see, how you'll regain your sight.
I want to see, how you'll reborn.
Ask me about my thoughts,
Pass on splinters above the brink of chasm,
At which I am afraid to glance.
Go and I'll laugh at you and at myself,
Laugh so loudly
That you'll drop down and fall
Below my masochism,
Below general immorality.
You will see yourself from the other side
And will perceive your baseness,
And being in despair you'll be frightened
And will lose your mind.
6. De Profundum
Âîçäóõ òàåò.
 òóìàííûõ ãëàçàõ
׸ðíîé ñòàåé
Âîðîíû è ñòðàõ.
Ò¸ìíîé ãëèíîé
Ìèð â êóëàêå
Âñ¸ â åäèíîì
Áåñôîðìåííîì ñíå.
Ðàñïëàâëåííûõ íåéðîíîâ
Íåèçáåæíûé ðàñïàä,
Ìåíòàëüíûé àòàâèçì
Ïîäñîçíàòåëüíûõ äåéñòâèé,
Óðîäóÿ ìûøëåíèå, òîëêàåò íàçàä,
Ê íåâèäèìûì ãðàíèöàì
Âíåëîãè÷åñêîãî äåòñòâà.
È êîãäà-òî ýòî ñòàíåò ñèëüíåé,
×åì ñêîïëåíèå íàä¸æíûõ
Ýìïèðè÷åñêèõ çíàíèé.
È òå÷åíèå ðàçìåðåííûõ äíåé
Îáîðâ¸òñÿ òèõèì õðèïîì
Óõîäÿùåãî ñîçíàíèÿ.
Âîçäóõ òàåò.
 áåçóìíûõ ãëàçàõ,
Ïîæèðàÿ
Èçìó÷åííûé ïðàõ.
Òåíè, òåíè!
Íî÷üþ íåò ñíà,
Óæàñ âèäåíèé,
Ñëåïàÿ ëóíà.
Ãðîõîò ïóëüñà,
Ðû÷àùèé îáâàë.
Êîñìîñ êà÷íóëñÿ
È â áåçäíó óïàë.
Ñâå÷è ãàñíóò,
Àãîíèÿ è áðåä.
Âñ¸ íàïðàñíî.
Âûõîäà íåò!
7. Playing Sadism
My thoughts are closed
By persuasive sensation,
That someone plays with me
Dangerous games,
Games of rotting of consciousness
And devastation of soul,
Games of causing me pain.
How could I not noticed before
Those nocturnal dominations
In such decent society,
Condemning all perversions by the light?
Suddenly I've realized,
That the game of sadism
Can not stand dweebs,
That sadism is a weakness of the strong,
Irresponsible walk on rotten place,
The abyss that engulfs
Deeper and deeper...
My eyes had opened and I’ve seen
These people avoiding my sight,
These people, who want to be on top,
The people installing
Hopelessness in me,
The people seeing only
An obedient victim in me,
The people playing sadism with me.
And the more I regain my sight,
The more everything around gets dark.
I'm already almost blind.
The contradictions have tortured my mind.
Something has emerged from the depths
And is pulled outside.
I perpetrated terrible deeds,
I found out strange bents in myself.
Suddenly I've realized
That I play as well as all.
I play sadistic games.
8. Escape From Oneself
I see with a splinter of an artificial eye
The shadows of the leaving people,
That I trusted not long ago.
I rush about on the corridor
Of the cluttered consciousness
And look for exit from madness,
Search for myself for a place,
A chink to escape from myself.
I tried to help the drowning friends,
But they just laughed
At the extended hand
And sunk in the swamp.
It is repugnant to bang the head
Against a wall in hope
That someone will see
The bare surface of pain,
Which has overfilled my mind
And asks to let it out.
I've lost the way.
How to find the exit from
The endless tunnel of uncertainty?
It's so hard to realize one's
Weakness and uselessness.
To drop on bottom with scream
"Please, hold me back!".
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