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AFTER THERAPY LYRICS
"Self-Inflicted" (2005 EP)
1. T.B.N.
2. I Endure
3. Eight Years (Prison)
4. Karen
5. Catrina Meets The Dealer
6. Dealer
7. Eight Years (Prison) LIVE
8. (Bloody) Valentine LIVE
9. (Bonus Track)
1. T.B.N.
2. I Endure
life-a broken dream-abysmal path that's far too much to tolerate
it set me up and took me down
annulled a joy I could not consummate
is it my responsibility to choke back tears while others show their pain
even though each night within my dreams
visions come that drive my mind insane
enemies that I can see-in my bed-sleep next to me
say goodbye to the best of my life as I endure the horror alone
life-a promise gone-behind a mask-it hides and waits my final gasp
opened wounds from closing minds
seek to crush me dead within their grasp
and is it not an act of blasphemy to wear a smile when inside I just cry
knowing that each night deep in my dreams
I'll search for ways to just fall down and die
enemies I cannot see-sneak behind to torture me
say hello to the worst of my life as I endure the horror alone
life-ending now-I won't go back-I see what I must do
resurrect me someday
a better chance if life can start anew
for I don't see a possibility to end this low and come back from the fall
certainly this night I will not dream
tomorrow I will not wake up at all
enemies can smile and see-that they have defeated me
say goodbye at the end of my life as I endure the horror no more
3. Eight Years (Prison)
Trapped in this place for eight years of disgrace
I am wondering what I can do
Lies of salvation that bring my damnation
And tightens the hand of my doom
These chains that bind me where no one can find me
My tortured soul won't be let go
My senses long for the right from the wrong
To feel life like I used to know
No scams to trick it or needles to prick it
An angel too bright to deceive
Thoughts that are spinning behind insane grinning
Mere daydreams for my mind to weave
Demented screaming disrupting my dreaming
The teardrops are falling like rain
I run but fall--I'm attached to this wall
And can't drag the ball and chain
Nobody guards me--I sit and grieve
The key is within my reach but I can never leave
Lines in the walls made when afternoon falls
Mark all my hours of pain
Lines in my spine that were scratched from behind
More when the night falls again
Nothing to do except suffer the moods
That sprang from the seeds I have sown
Cling to the hope I won't swing from a rope
Someday soon I'll be let go
4. Karen
I hurt-I hurt-mother what can I do
is that you-I cannot see
so cold-awareness breaking down
slipping off into the serene
arm throbs but I can barely feel infection starting to blaze
mommy crying and daddy continues to shout
I'm reborn as life slips away
I hurt-but wait-it's starting to change
the pain has settled into my mind
new instincts dictate a message to me
"sustenance wherever you find"
daddy dearest is tumbling down from above
his wounds continue to bleed
hold me daddy in the moments before you die
hold me and allow me to feed
the shambling masses arise-the untainted cower
lines of fear set in stone and etched on their face
the pounding and clawing and cries-the barrier crumbles
below to the cellar-the last chance in the safest place
nightmare-the toys of children to wither away
nightmare-the lost souls of the dead claim the day
no more room in hell-it turns back the sinners
return from hallowed ground-and walking the earth
creator looks down and weeps at punishment given
cleansing the slate until mankind deserves a rebirth
nightmare-a flash of night and an innocence gone
nightmare-a flash of death and the dead claim the dawn
I hurt-and I know that it won't go away
new footsteps descend from the door
oh mother it all is so clear to me
this hurt is hunger I can't ignore
yes mother-I hear you-but I cannot speak
come and hug your sweet little girl
a final kiss and I leave you forever tonight
and take my place in this chilling world
Karen is dedicated to Kyra Schon
5. Catrina Meets The Dealer
6. Dealer
introduction:
"Who are you?" she asked curiously, turning her head to look into his eyes. She could
tell from the returned gaze that he was not one who divulged that kind of information.
"We never met."
He was gone before she had a chance to register his movement; a wisp of wind carried
him away.
introduction © 2000 Kathryn L. Kerr
hunger brings the gruesome pain
thirst quenched life into the veins
void of life but spared demise
drink from me of those who die
hunger brought by mortal end
rise from death to live the sin
abominate the decree
laws of men spat on by me
come to me in darkness-in thirst's relentless grip
it trickles down your throat-euphoric bliss
come to me in weakness-and I will give you life
drink from the vial eternal cursed kiss
take your leave and best forget
time place night of when we met
should you worship me? I nod
what can I say I'm a God
Dealer is inspired by a character in the Kathryn L. Kerr novel "Vampyr Snyper"
7. Eight Years (Prison) LIVE
Trapped in this place for eight years of disgrace
I am wondering what I can do
Lies of salvation that bring my damnation
And tightens the hand of my doom
These chains that bind me where no one can find me
My tortured soul won't be let go
My senses long for the right from the wrong
To feel life like I used to know
No scams to trick it or needles to prick it
An angel too bright to deceive
Thoughts that are spinning behind insane grinning
Mere daydreams for my mind to weave
Demented screaming disrupting my dreaming
The teardrops are falling like rain
I run but fall--I'm attached to this wall
And can't drag the ball and chain
Nobody guards me--I sit and grieve
The key is within my reach but I can never leave
Lines in the walls made when afternoon falls
Mark all my hours of pain
Lines in my spine that were scratched from behind
More when the night falls again
Nothing to do except suffer the moods
That sprang from the seeds I have sown
Cling to the hope I won't swing from a rope
Someday soon I'll be let go
8. (Bloody) Valentine LIVE
The faintest of tiny heartbeats
Slips from darkness into the light
The smallest of tiny beings
Begins the voyage known as life
The empty pages start to fill
With tragedy that's long unfolding
The smallest of tiny hopes
To escape a life of pain
The faintest of tiny heartbeats
Will grow to be a man
The largest of all the minds
Will try like hell to understand
The filling pages start to bleed
With tragedy that's being lived
The smallest of tiny hopes
A struggle to forgive
Born into a world of seething anger unrelenting
Innocence soon be replaced by a plethora of lies
Raving mad confusion-so patiently it bides its time
Waiting its descent into the soul of this lost child
Mother's arms await-but they're a bitter sanctuary
The beating of her heart-a ticking time bomb burns its fuse
The vicious undertow resurfaces with no fair warning
Inflicting self-made agony in the cycle of abuse
Misfortune to be nurtured by a whore
Perhaps you'll be as lucky as the one who came before
Cruel and bitter fate-a valentine that's inked in sorrow
What could lie ahead-perhaps its best that you can't see
Just rest easy now and brace yourself for what is looming
Innocence soon be replaced by bitter agony
9. (Bonus Track)
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